New Year 2015

Happy New Year everyone! 

I'm hoping that all of you had an awesome New Year celebration but I am more praying and wishing all of us to have a safe, healthy and blessed 2015.


Time Heals... 

The day after Christmas was our most recent visit to my Papa's resting place. This year's New Year is the 3rd time that we had to celebrate it without Papa. It was fun, abundant and full of thankfulness and prayers for good things to come. Papa... The times of sudden outbursts are now slowly disappearing. I tend to compose myself better now compared to the times when I was at the peak of my grief. This time the pain was indeed lesser, but the longing and sadness were still there. You get used to the loss. You are able to adapt to the changes, and are able to face each day with the familiarity that he's not here any longer and that I should move on with our lives. This is the moment where I could truly say that being alive in one's memories does happen. I strong believe that aside from what we see and touch, there's this invisible force within us, that can be paralyzing or empowering. There's this balance in the world indeed, and it also exists within us. 

Papa, each day that our dear Lord continues to bless me starts and ends with a prayer for you. We love you Pa!

2nd New Year Without Papa

Time flies by very fast indeed. Before we knew it, we were all geared up towards meeting the new year 2014. We have decided to celebrate it at my brother Allan house. I was very happy to spend it with my family but still feel a sense of incompleteness knowing that Papa isn't with us anymore. We brought his photo there, offered a prayer and talked about a lot of familial stuff but still that void will never be filled. The challenge is how we would face that reality. And we all have chosen to deal with it with a whole lot of positivity. I know Papa is guiding us every in every step we take- taking care of us and praying for us. He will always be in our hearts forever. 


Dad, you will never be forgotten... Happy New Year!

Celebrating our First New Year Without Papa

     Celebrating the New Year of 2013 was a bit challenging as it is the first celebration without Papa around. Top it off with his recent passing last December 10, it was painful indeed. Everything's still fresh. The pain from the wounds of losing one of the most important people in my life who shaped my well-being, were still in my heart. But we need to move on. We need to go forward. For the sake of our children and our children's children we need to get up and embrace life as it is. The combination of pains and happiness, sorrows and cheeriness. That's life. 

Happy New Year Papa!!

                                                 

Celebrating New Year of 2013

Enjoying the good food and the bonding.

Fireworks!! 

The yummy Mango Bravo of Conti's Bakeshop

Thank you Lord for these blessings and the gift of another year!

Dinner @ Ate Mher and Kuya Tom's house

@ Ate Mher's house on Jan. 1, after we visited Papa's resting place.

Julius, Kuya Eric, Love, Ate Elfe, Muting, Solen, Moi and Mama

My New Year's Dream of Papa

     On December 31, 2012, I had a dream about Papa. It was my second dream of him since he passed away. There was an evident disparity between my December 24th dream and this one. It is because in my first dream, Papa died then was revived, but with this one we were all aware that what we got in touch with was just his soul. Also, from what I remember, my Papa never uttered a single word throughout that dream. These are the 5 scenes that I vividly remember on that dream. 

Scene 1

My colleagues and I were at a shopping mall. We were all laughing while chatting. Then I noticed something from my right peripheral vision. I looked on my right side and saw my Papa looking at the toys in the department store's toy section. The facial features of Papa was clear- his mole on his left cheekbone and his laughing eyes. Mama was behind him. I immediately ran to them both surprised and curious. Mama just told me: "I found him here."

Scene 2

We took Papa home and he lied on a wooden bench. We were all very happy and excited to have our Papa again! My mom was on the other side of the bench and I was sitting beside him. I called Kuya Allan to tell Kuya Eric that Papa was with us. My Kuya Eric immediately ran to my Papa and held his hand. 

Scene 3

Our whole family was staring at a vast farm or field. We were all behind Papa. My Papa was wearing a yellow shirt. He didn't move but just stared on the field. My brothers were behind him, and Mama and I were behind them. I was surprised to see that the shape of my Papa's body was indeed "real" but I was shocked because the middle part of his body, horizontally, seemed like a mirror. I could see the field through him. His body was translucent. I asked my mom "Mama, look at Papa's body. It's like a mirror, a glass." My mom replied: "That's because Papa is already a spirit."

Scene 4 

Given the fact that my Papa loves cockfighting, I understand why this scene was present in my dream. 

Papa, mama and I went to a house full of roosters for derbies. My Papa entered the house made of wood. We could see him through the huge windows. He was holding a rooster, smiling as he patted its feathers. Just then two guys came in and asked us "What are you two doing in here? Who are you with?" Then we just smiled. Apparently, they cannot see Papa. We just looked at him for a moment. Then my mom shouted "Ling, we'll go ahead. We love you!" Papa just smiled. When it was my turn to bid goodbye, I shouted "Papa, goodbye! We love you! Thanks for everything!" and blew a kiss to him. Papa smiled and he blew a kiss to me as well. In that dream I can tell that he was happy. 

This is the scene that still makes me cry until now. I could feel and see how Papa loves me even in death! If we're going to base this scene scientifically, well then my subconscious must have been telling me how much my Papa loves me (and how we love him), and I take comfort in that. 

Scene 5

At home, I found my Papa's pants. I held it and suddenly a small angel figurine fell. I picked it up and asked my mom about it. My mom replied "That's from Papa. He left that to us." 

Perhaps Papa wants us to know that we already have a guardian angel from now on - him!

~~~

     That's the final scene from that dream. I admit, I felt better and happy when I awoke that morning. But when I rushed to my mom's room and told her my dream, tears kept pouring from my eyes. Whatever the explanation behind that dream will remain a mystery. It could be a way my Papa told us that everything is already okay with him and he has accepted what happened. It could also be just a product of my imagination. Or it may be God's way to cheer me up. The possibilities are endless. All I could hope for is one day, soon, our family will all be reconciled in Paradise. And for now, all we could do is hold onto the beautiful memories he has left behind- tightly, even if it's as painful as holding a rose full of thorns... 

I'll always be my father's daughter...