New Year 2015

Happy New Year everyone! 

I'm hoping that all of you had an awesome New Year celebration but I am more praying and wishing all of us to have a safe, healthy and blessed 2015.


Time Heals... 

The day after Christmas was our most recent visit to my Papa's resting place. This year's New Year is the 3rd time that we had to celebrate it without Papa. It was fun, abundant and full of thankfulness and prayers for good things to come. Papa... The times of sudden outbursts are now slowly disappearing. I tend to compose myself better now compared to the times when I was at the peak of my grief. This time the pain was indeed lesser, but the longing and sadness were still there. You get used to the loss. You are able to adapt to the changes, and are able to face each day with the familiarity that he's not here any longer and that I should move on with our lives. This is the moment where I could truly say that being alive in one's memories does happen. I strong believe that aside from what we see and touch, there's this invisible force within us, that can be paralyzing or empowering. There's this balance in the world indeed, and it also exists within us. 

Papa, each day that our dear Lord continues to bless me starts and ends with a prayer for you. We love you Pa!

Christmas 2014

Last December 25th was our 3nd Christmas celebration without Papa around. Though we miss him very much, I am still deeply grateful for we were able to spend this very special occasion with the rest of my family. All those gift-giving, merrymaking and the heaps of foods almost resembling a mini-festival, oh, I won't ever get tired of it! This is certainly an occasion for kids, and my son and niece were the highlight of Christmas Eve as they were the happiest ones when the clock strike 12! Hubby and I sneaked downstairs before going to bed, and placed a gift on our son's Santa sock. During the Christmas season, he was really expecting to meet Santa Clause! Although he wasn't able to see Santa the next day, he was very much happy when he found out the so called Santa's gift! He realized that although he has been naughty most of the time during the year, Santa was still able to see the good deeds that he has done, like praying, following our reminders, fulfilling is school tasks, helping the needy and going to church, among others. Santa is not only symbolic of the Christmas season and of generosity, but he signifies the mercy and big-heartedness of our dear Lord. I remember my Papa. Like Santa, he embodies someone who would let my mistakes pass, find the good in me and gives me happiness. These are the people and characters that God has sent us to remind us that love is everywhere. 

I miss you Pa! You're always in my heart....

Remembering My Parents' Marriage

Celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary was a blast! My hubby, our son, and I spent it in an urban getaway. We stayed at a hotel, went swimming, tried out several dishes, took some ice cream and cake to our suite and had a super great bonding time!  I think about the 3 decades that my mom and dad have shared. There have been challenges but they've always been strong enough to overcome them. I gain inspiration and strength from the love, faith and dedication that my mom and dad shared with each other during their marriage. 


"Dad, although you're no longer here, please be a guiding hand to us in preserving our marriage and family happily."

My Daddies!

The past 2 weeks of this month were sooo difficult, that all I had to do was to surrender everything to God. In those days, I've regularly went to my parents' bedroom, talked to my dad's photo, and asked him to pray for me. I've also requested him to guide me during this very challenging time that I've almost wanted to give up. I've been calling the names of my two fathers - my dad and God - to help me, guide me and give me the strength for my problem to be over.

Guess what?

My daddies really listened! :) God indeed exists and my dad's guiding hand has always been with me. I couldn't thank them enough for taking good care of me and my family during the time of trouble. All we need to do is call their name.

I love my daddies! 

Praise the Lord! 

Thank you Pops!

All Saint's Day 2014

Later today, we'll be off to my Papa's resting place to spend the night there in observance of the All Saint's Day. We'll be holding a prayer, offer some flowers (I've already bought some last night!) and will remember him through the chats within our families. The cemetery will be extremely alive later I'm sure. Our family and some of our closest relatives will be there. Papa will surely be smiling!

You're always in our hearts Pops!

Memories of Papa

The other day, my hubby and I had our lunch at a new mall in the metro. I just love those moments. Laid back. Having lunch with him on a lazy Monday afternoon. Had a cheesecake before we ate our rice meals was incredibly fun. Reminiscing our past experiences and talking about our plans for the future. I saw an old man having lunch alone. I remembered my Dad. That moment when he came home, holding two bags filled with McDonalds treats-for me and my baby. I imagined him placing an order on a McDonald counter. Perhaps he didn't say the exact value meal number that corresponds to his order. :) Maybe he just mentioned that he wanted a cheeseburger, large fries and drinks and that's it! Oh, my father! Aside from my mom, he's the most thoughtful and generous person whom I've met. Still expressing his love and concern for me even if I was already married and have my own kid. That's my dad. And he continuously inspires me to apply the the wonderful and positive things which he taught me on my daily life even now that he's gone.

Pa, thanks for the memories of love and selflessness.

Pops' 65th Birthday

Papa's birthday celebration last Sept. 7 was sooo much fun! His birthday fell on a Monday so we decided to hold it on a weekend. So thankful we made that decision. My mom made a delish baked mac and it was the highlight of the meals we prepared there. Rice, pork dishes, native delicacies, etc. made our tummies super happy. We spent Papa's special day in a way that he would have definitely enjoyed- yummy meals, bonding with the whole family, as well as with our relatives and friends. After holding a prayer, we stayed throughout the late afternoon on his grave site and left at past 7 pm. The cemetery was pitch-black! Eerie and fun. Perhaps fun because it was almost 20 of us. :)

If my Papa is still alive, he's already 65 by now. It's been almost a couple of years. I have made a lot of decisions inspired by his memories. I miss him badly and I still feel that tightness on my chest whenever I see his photos.

Happy Birthday Papa! I miss you so much. I'm asking God to bless you with peace and give us the courage to face life without you- till we meet again.

Papa's Visit In My Dream

I'm so glad that my dad visited me in my dream yesterday. It was all blurry, as with any other dream but the definition of his face was crystal clear. He was lying on a bed and he just stood beside me, asking me to place an electricfan beside his bed as well as hand him a blanket. He was looking fine- not too healthy and not too sickly. When I gave him what he asked, he went back to bed and slept. I really have no idea on what was it about. I can't even produce a "possible" explanation as to what happened. Nevertheless, I felt better seeing him alive in my dream. That's the only way I can see him alive, aside from the photos of our wonderful times together, as well as the videos which showed the bittersweet memories of him- the Christmas celebrations and the random shots filled with his smiles, his voice and laughter, as well as a video in a hospital where he was lying for several days, talking with a voice that was never really "him"- weak, tired and in pain. God I miss him terribly, especially now that his birthday is approaching. It's been almost two years, but the pain still brings me to tears. Tears that express all the guilt, regret, sadness and loss...

Sometimes, when I look at your photos, I couldn't believe that you're really gone... I miss you Pops!

Forever Thankful...

So thankful to God that He has given me another year filled with so many blessings, a huge part of those blessings are intangible ones but so far the most important- love, affection, generosity, strength and courage, among others. I had a week-long birthday celebration till the 1st week of July (and still lacked the funds, mind you!). Went out of town with my hubby and son, had a mini-feast at home with the whole fam and took some treats to the office for my friends and colleagues. I love the feeling of being able to share my blessings (despite of its limited-ness) and I would love to practise generosity not only on special occasions like this but on a regular basis- I thank my dad for showing me how he lived by generosity and open-handedness when he was still alive...

Love you Pops and I continually do my best to improve and live by the positive things you've taught me...

My Second Birthday Without Papa: Realizations

This coming Monday is my 30th birthday- the 2nd birthday celebration without Papa. The thought of his passing still brings me to tears. I will never get over it. I miss him on the regular days and miss him terribly on the special events and great milestones in my life. While I was able to learn a lot from him when he was still alive, I've realized that I've gained several life lessons when he left us. Brevity of life, appreciation,  self-reflection by being in touch with myself and spending quality time with my loved ones are just some of the few realizations that I was able to ponder on when he died. I admit that I've been doing a lot of new things now, which I was always procrastinating on before. Bold choices and drastic decisions are also a part of it. I don't know if I'm running out of time, but sure his passing led me to this thinking that we have to maximize our time here on Earth. Grab the opportunity that God has given us. Live the life the way we want it to be. Build our dreams not only for ourselves but for our children and the succeeding generations. We may not be able to stay here on Earth for good- but as one saying goes, we should hope to create something that will last- forever.

"Dear Lord, thank you for the blessing of another year. Please grant me as well as my loved ones many more birthdays to come. And help us live by the wisdom our Papa has shared with us. Papa, thank your for being an instrument for me to have the gift of life. We love and miss you!"

My Parents' 38th Wedding Anniversary

On May 19, we celebrated my parents' 38th wedding anniversary. Hard as it may seem but it's the 2nd wedding anniversary that we celebrated without my Papa around. Missing him is an understatement...

It was a Monday and so we weren't able to visit Papa in his resting place. Simple meals and gifts for Mama (I've given her a set of beauty essentials), our  greetings with hugs and kisses were all enough for her to cheer up. A offered prayer for my Papa's soul and for my mom's strength to face the loneliness of missing Papa and the challenges that will come along our way. There are still a lot of things to do, so many dreams to achieve in so little time. God grant us the hours and chance to achieve them.


Wherever you are Pops, Happy Wedding Anniversary to you and Mama! We love and miss you!

Second Valentine's Day Without Papa

The Valentines Day year fell on a Friday so our family decided to have a double celebration done as an afternoon bonding on Papa's resting place. I wasn't able to come as I was sick (curse that wisdom tooth, ugh!) and my son was just recently discharged from the hospital. Hubby took care of us of course and so the three of us decided to stay home.

Our close relatives also joined the rest of the family on that visit. If Papa's looking down from heaven, a smile will surely be painted on his face as we celebrate Ate Lita's birthday and Valentines day on where his earthy body lies. 

Happy Valentines Day Pops! 

Thank you for all the love and care you showered upon me for 28 years! Our love for you will never end when you have gone back home to the Lord.