A Timeless Tribute To My Papa

  

Papa's viewing chapel is the John Chapel.
Obituary is published in
Philippine Star Newspaper
December 13, 2012 issue.

The tribute played during the wake of my Papa.

    This is the first part of the tribute video created by St. Peter Life Plans, Commonwealth, Tandang Sora, Quezon City. This was played during the wake of my dear Papa, Rustico C. Salve. There has been some error while uploading the second part. Hopefully, the issue could be fixed and would be able to upload it by then. Now, going back, we have submitted the compilation of my Papa's pictures around the third day of his wake. Although we were not able to include the older photos of my Papa and our family photos when we were still kids because unfortunately, the Typhoon Ondoy washed out all of our photo albums, this tribute included the most recent photos of my beloved Papa. Our lovely family photos with our happy Papa along with the soothing and meaningful music of Josh Groban, Luther Vandross and the Philippines' very own Gary Valenciano made this a very beautiful and heartfelt tribute to a man who loved us so much, and whom we also love even in death. Here are my favorite parts of the music which were incorporated on the tribute:

1. You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban

"There is no life – no life without its hunger;

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity."

2. Dance With My Father Again by Luther Vandross 

"If I could steal one final glance, 

One final step, one final dance with him

I'd play a song that would never ever end

Coz I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again...."

and this:

"I know I'm praying for much too much

But could you send back the only man she loved

I know you don't do it usually

But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again.

Every night I fall asleep

And this is all I ever dream.."

3. Lead Me Lord by Gary Valenciano

"You are my light

You're the lamp upon my feet

All the time my Lord

I need You there

You are my light

I (just) cannot live alone

Let me stay 

By Your guiding love

All through my life"

     I know Papa you are doing fine now with our dear Lord above. I know you don't want us to feel so much grief. But this pain of losing you will become a part of us, like the love that we have for you. It's bittersweet- the two emotions we feel at the same time. It's true, you left a special place in our hearts. A place specifically meant for you Papa. We love you, and we miss you more than you'll ever know. 

Thank You Pop For Saving My Life

   I have been mentioning how my Papa saved my life but I noticed, I have not yet put them into details... Yes, my Papa did save my life multiple times. 

  My parents usually tell me the story on how they've decided of having another baby, which is, ahem, me. There is only a one-year gap between my eldest brother Eric and our second, Allan. After 7 long years, my Papa told my mama, "Why don't we have another child, a daughter, so you could have someone to be with you, to take care of you when you get old?". Those words, seemed like a premonition. Why did my Papa say that? Did he ever have a hunch that he will be leaving mama behind? He wasn't sick with Diabetes when they've decided to have me and while uttering those words. Is it just co-incidence or again, premonition? Only God knows. 

  On June 1984, my Papa's wish was granted. A baby girl, their only daughter, came to their lives and brought them so much happiness. I've completed the family picture. 

  Fast forward October 2002, hubby and I were getting married. We were realistic and practical. We have decided to have a civil wedding as we didn't have any huge amount of funds for a church wedding. Just as we were processing some requirements for a civil wedding, my mama phoned us telling us that Papa wants us to have a church wedding. And for us not to worry about the wedding expenses...

  Fast forward October 2009, I was pregnant with our son, my mama and Papa's first grandchild. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and Asthma. I was rushed to the hospital and my baby was at risk. I was a student, my husband was just an average employee. We didn't have any savings at all.. It was then that after a 1-minute phone call to my Papa asking some help for my hospital bill that he sent the funds right away.

  Fast forward June 2012. My colleagues and I  were having lunch at a cafeteria near our work. We were laughing and chatting. Suddenly, when I moved my chair, I accidentally stepped on a stray cat. It bit me on that instance. I rushed back to the office and filed for a VTO or an under-time. Hubby and I went to The Medical City in Ortigas for me to get checked-up. I got my Rabies shots there. Glad it was covered by my HMO. I need to have an ERIG shot for me to be protected from Rabies in the next 2 weeks because the typical Rabies shots will take effect only after 2 weeks. We went to the Novaliches General Hospital to have my ERIG shots. Unfortunately, I failed the skin test and turned out that I was allergic to that vaccine. Last option: HRIG. Costs around 4,000 pesos or roughly $ 100.00 per vial. I need 5 for my weight. Goodness.

  To make the long story short, I have availed of the 5 vials half the price through PCSO, a government body providing financial assistance to the indigenous at RITM. I was so happy the social worker gave me a chance to avail of the discount. I've only spent around 11,000-12,000 pesos for that, compared to the 7,000 per vial, amounting to 35,000 pesos which was quoted to me at The Medical City Ortigas. I got my shots. We didn't have any savings for that urgent expense. Guess who saved my life again? My Papa....

  I know all parents will do their best in providing for their children's needs. In my case, my Mama and Papa never ceased in helping us when we are in need even if I'm already married. It could be because of our culture as Filipinos. But whatever it is, I am honored to be their daughter. Not because of what they could provide me or how much they could give me. No. It's because of the fact that even if they are not in abundance, they are still willing to sacrifice and give us help when we need it most. Up to the last moments of my Papa's life he showed us how much he loves us. And up to the last moments of our lives we will love mama. We will take care of her, the way he envisioned it when they asked for a daughter 28 years ago. And we will continually love and remember him- until we meet him again.

Our First Christmas Without Papa

   I always thought that celebrating Christmas which was merely two weeks after my Papa's death is impossible. Who could enjoy it if we are all still grieving? Two weeks ago we were talking about how nice my Papa's hospital private room was. It was large enough and convenient for us to bring some food and celebrate Christmas with him even if he's confined in the hospital. Unfortunately, the day after we talked about it, our Papa bid goodbye... The most painful ever. Indescribable pain. So again, how could we possibly celebrate Christmas?  But God has been good to us. And he made it possible. He guided us with his powerful hands  to still be happy in celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ despite the fact that we no longer have our Papa around. For us to celebrate the birth of our Savior and also close to the time in which my Papa went back home to the loving arms of God. It's as if there's this some kind of a force telling us that we should still be celebrating, have fun, be merry and bond with the rest of the family. Well, that's what we did.

  For the Christmas eve, we had ham, beef with broccoli, Adobo, fried chicken, Escabeche (fish in tomato sauce), pancit canton (noodles), puto cake, fruit salad (with grapes!!) and the Hallow-Mallow cake from Bannaple among others. While we were waiting for the foods to be set at the table, we watched Home Alone 2 in HBO and we were still laughing to our hearts' content to an old time Christmas movie fave of ours. When the clock strikes 12 and everything's in place on the dinner table, we put my Papa's picture frame at the head of the table. Then our loving mama led the prayer. After that, I put some rice, ham, beef, pancit and fried chicken to a plate especially for my Papa, and put it beside his picture frame...  And I know my Papa wants that too. I imagine him saying "Thank you Joy" upon serving that plate to him... I can feel it in my heart, reminiscing those words when I show simple acts of love and kindness to him when he was still alive. Then we all ate- our whole family spent the Christmas eve together. My Papa loved that. He always wanted us to be happy. He loved the sound of our laughter. He loved watching us eat those yummy dishes with a big appetite. The difference now is that we could no longer hear his funny stories and jokes... All we are enjoying now are his memories.

Our first Christmas without Papa

  I know, in that moment, his spirit was with us. And we are so thankful that God made that easy- for us to be strong enough to face our loss with positiveness and faith on Him that my Papa is all ok. And that all of us too will be ok...

  My brother mentioned that a person has two kinds of death: biological and in memory. A person's earthy body may die, of course. But if that person is always remembered and always loved, then his life will continue forever. His presence and influence will be remembered through time. And that's what we are committed to do with our Papa. His sickness made him suffer. Death made his body deteriorate. But his soul is now in heaven with the Lord. He will always be remembered. His memories will always be cherished. He will always be included in the important events in our lives, generation through generation. His influence and traits will run through our veins- through the next generation's veins.. He will be immortalized. Our Papa will  then live forever.

Bannaple's Hallow-Mallow cake that says
"Merry Christmas We Love You PapaLo"

A Dream With My Daddy

 Since my Papa passed away last December 10, 2012. I admit, I am looking forward to see him or have a conversation with him in my dreams. But, I'm a bit hesitant talking to him or seeing him personally as I know I'll freak out! During the wake, my mom even whispered to my papa "Don't scare me 'ling (for darling)". Papa knows we love to hear his ghost stories (well, aside from his funny jokes! haha) but we are always scared as hell even when going downstairs in the middle of the night or even going outside of our house in the province which is much creepier. He was our knight in shining armor during those times. 

  Everyday since that day, I was always asking my mom and the rest of the family if they had a dream about Papa. Nothing as of that moment. I've told this to my colleagues and they said that perhaps my Papa is already fine with God, with no unfinished business whatsoever and could be happily contented with his life here on earth. We're all glad if that's the case. 

  Last December 23rd, I was so excited preparing the stuff for my Papa for our next day's visit. The whole family decided to visit him on the afternoon of 24th and we would spend the Christmas eve at my brother Allan and his wife Elfe's house. I bought some colorful, fancy shaped candles, two candle holders, printed out an epitaph with his picture coz his actual epitaph for his grave wasn't finished yet, and bought a picture frame for that. Crying or bursting to tears while I look at his photos seemed to be a regular occurrence then. My hubby bought 3 sets of flowers- yellow, white and orange- these colors being my Papa's favorite. I have also instructed the memorial park guy to have a tent and chairs set up at my Papa's grave. The next morning, we're planning to bring his favorite foods to his grave.

Papa rests beside his niece Anna Lorenn

  So in the morning of December 24th. There he was. My Papa lying lifeless on a bed in the mortuary. I was on a state of shock. I was devastated. Suddenly, I saw the rise and fall of his tummy. I jumped and screamed "Put on the oxygen!!!" The staff did put on the oxygen, but I was surprised when my Papa pulled it off from his nostrils. I screamed again and shouted at the top of my lungs to put it on to save my Papa. The staff immediately did so, and there he was, revived, breathing and was transferred to a normal bed. I was so happy!! I went to the other side of his bed, embraced him tightly and sobbed, telling him "Papa, this is just so painful!! It's so painful, you going away, this is so painful." He stroked my hair and told me "It's ok. It's ok. I know it's painful, really, but it's ok." Then I replied, "Yes Papa, but this is very painful!!" then I asked my hubby who was standing on the other side of the bed, "Get out and call mama. Tell her Papa is alive!!" My hubby hurriedly went out to look for my mom. The next instant, I was hugging my Papa, telling him these words: "Papa, thanks for everything. For saving my life multiple times. Sorry for my shortcomings. I love you so much Papa!!" And from there the overlapping of my dream and reality happened. I just woke up from a dream that seemed so real....  

  A lot of things could be interpreted from that dream. The list could go on. From scientific basis to religious   ones or mere superstition- there could be tons! From his pulling off the oxygen and his words telling me that everything will be ok. I don't know. All I am certain is that my Papa is now happy with the Lord and also contented with his life well spent here on earth. I am glad I was able to tell him those words. I am happy I was able to hug him tightly. I felt a sudden comfort when he stroke my hair. His touch- everything was real. Who knows? It might be real on the other side of life he now calls his home...

Our family with Ate Mher and Kuya Tom's family

A Day With My Daddy Rusty

    The other day I borrowed my colleague's book  "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom. It was timely indeed because that was the 10th day since my dad passed away last December 10, 2012. I've read it while it was "avail" at work or during the time that there were no calls arriving at the contact center where I am working. The story is about Chick and his mother's ghost, how it saved his life and how the chance of spending a day with each other has truly changed his life. I could relate to the book. And I admit I came to a lot of realization after finishing the last page of it. How I wish God would also give me a chance to be with my dad, even just for a day. I envy Chick. I know the plot of the book is some sort of an impossibility- it won't happen, and never will. But imagining myself in that situation where I am given by God a chance to truly experience being with my dad, just for a day, I feel a ripple of mixed emotions within me. Happiness, excitement, guilt and sadness. I am not a bad daughter- and I'm not the best. Yes we had some misunderstandings before but I was able to apologize right after.  And every time I say sorry he'd say "Just forget about it." Yes, I do often tell him I love him and he'd happily reply with an "I love you too" to me. Yes, I do kiss him and I know he  feels my love whenever I do so.

    So now you'd ask why am I dying to have that one day spent with him, just  for one day. It's because the things I showed how I love him was not ENOUGH. Not even close to that. I know there should be more. I  mean, I could have given him more. But I didn't. I could have spent more time with him when he was at the hospital, but I didn't. I did visit him twice a week, during my rest days, but again, I could have been  with  him more often. My rationale was that I needed to work part time at home so I could earn some extra  bucks and be able to help and contribute to his expensive medicines. I explained that to him and he  just said "Ok". I know how happy he is whenever I visit him with the Diabetamil, foods and stuff I bought from my earnings. I vowed to him that I will work hard so I could help the family in supporting his health needs to prolong his life. I was oh so focused  in earning so as to help him, ending up with rushed visits to the hospital of less than a couple of hours. Yes, I hugged him, kissed him, thanked him, said I love him, cracked a joke with him and then that's it- I hurriedly get back home to work for extra bucks. I am glad that I was able to say those important words, but what extremely pains me is the thought that I could have done more. I could have said more. I could have spent more time with him. A lot of people tell me that I'm fortunate enough to have at least been able to spend his dying times with me, but the pain I am carrying now is the fact that it wasn't enough. 

     No use crying over spilled milk. What's done has been done. What transpired on those days are things that I will treasure, coz those are the things that made my dad happy- even if they're not enough. The smile on his face whenever he sees me. The hope and excitement he has when I'd tell him "See you next weekend Papa." The appreciation on his face whenever I bring the goodies I bought for him, just for him. The jokes, the hugs, the kisses.... All I could think of is they were never enough. 

    So now if God will give me a chance- a day to spend with my dad, we'd probably spend it on a restaurant. We'll have our favorite food and drinks served in front of us. We'll talk about my childhood days, the times when I entered the university, the day I got married, those times I was abroad working, the moment I gave birth and how I gave him and my mom their first grandchild- my son. I'll enjoy the old jokes and ghost stories he's been telling us since we were kids. I'll savor the moment, concentrating on how he speaks, eats, drinks and walks. How his lips moves when he talks. How his eyes smile when he laughs. I'll touch his hand, kiss him and hug him. I'll forever remember the warmth of his embrace and his kiss, how his voice sounded when he says "I love you." If I'd get to record that using a phone or a camera then that's an icing on the cake!  I'll tell him how much I love him, the multiple times he saved me and how I owe him my life. Everything. I know at the end of that day he has to leave, and I need to get back to reality. But at least I am able to fill the things I've given him partially. I'll give him the deepest and warmest kiss on his left cheek, just like the one I gave him on that day in the mortuary where he lied peacefully on the day he came back to God's loving arms. He'll smile for sure when I give him that kiss while I'm saying "I love you Papa". I know. He's my dad. He is affectionate and he always asks his only daughter for a kiss ever since. He'll be the happiest for sure. 

     Wishful thinking. Imagination. Dreams. That's it. All I have now are memories and a hope that God will give me that chance...

I love you Pop and I miss you so much....