For our Beloved Dad Who Lived, Laughed and Loved: February 2013

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Another dream, another meaning

I had a dream - again. Papa came back. He was very alive. We were all rejoicing when he returned. Surreal, it was. He explained to me what happened on that day when we cried out loud on the morgue while holding him. "This is what happened" he said. "From afar, I could see you, Mama and my lifeless body." I asked him, "How do you see us Papa? Do you see everything around us?" My Papa responded, "No. When I see you, a circle of light surrounds you. I couldn't see the other objects around you. All I see are you and that light."

The next scene I was hugging my Papa as he sat on a couch. He was wearing a white shirt. I hugged him tightly. It's the warmth from an embrace that's more than the distance we had when we lost him. It's more than that. It's a mixture of happiness, fear of losing him again and gripping tightly onto him...

Alas, I woke up. And every piece of our life's longing for my Papa burst like tiny bubbles....

Is it the way my Papa explained what really happened? Did he do it to comfort me? Did he do it to assure me that he could see us anytime, that he is with us? Or again, it is just a product of my imagination? Only God knows....

My Papa's Memorial Website

I've been surfing the internet to keep myself preoccupied. Searching for facts, information and data to at least lessening the heavy feeling I have due to my dad's passing. Trying to find people in forums and articles written by those who have shared the same tragic experience as mine. I've come across two online obituaries which offer free and paid subscriptions. These are the two websites where I've created an online obituary or tribute for my Papa.

Christian Memorials

Your Tribute

I've availed of the free subscription on the said websites. Indeed, the features are limited for the subscription I availed. Nevertheless I am glad that these websites offer these kind of services because through them I am able to honor my father online and we get the chance to have his website that we could visit to, post on and offer our virtual gifts to. Our relatives could even visit the said sites to know what exactly happened to my Papa days before his passing.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Trusting God's Decisions

I had an a monthly progressive report with my supervisor and he actually commended me for having a bright disposition and exuding positive energy at work despite the fact that I lost my dad only a couple of months ago. I am like that, and have always been, ever since. From what I remember, it took me a month since December 10 for me to fully act normally at work. That's the time that I always feel a lump on my throat. How did I do it? Well the pain will forever be present in my heart and in my head, I guess. It's the question on how I've dealt with the freshness of it and how I am going to deal with it for the rest of my life. In my Ezine article, I've explained the several things we could do in dealing with the loss, but I guess each one of us has our own way of dealing with it because situations, family ties and personalities do vary.

Right now, besides those things that I myself do to help myself and my family, I have learned to trust God. Trust His plans for us. Trust His decisions. Trust His promises. If I cling on to the memories of my dad, I hold on tightly on God's promises in the Bible. It gives me strength to face the realities of life. The love that my dad had for us and the love I have for my dad, in life or death, is always connected to faith. God is love and so I relax and just entrust everything to Him - a hope that someday, all of us will be reconciled in Paradise and that Papa is waiting for us. Right now, Papa could only watch us, guiding us to surpass life's challenges. Oh, and helping us pray to God. After all, he is the one closest to God now. :)

"Papa, I've cried a while ago. As usual, your memories comforted me. Thank you Pop. I love and miss you..."

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The Book of Tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern

I've recently read the book by Cecelia Ahern entitled "The Book of Tomorrow". It is the first book by Ahern that I've read and I admire how she's able to combine magic along with the painful truth of death in life. It's not only about the death of Tamara's dad that I am able to relate to but it is a book about hope. A story that everyone who shared the same experience or not could relate to. I have gained a lot of insight from the said book. Will post here excerpts and my POVs soon.

Papa's 40th Day Death Anniversary

They say that the 40th day from a person's passing is the start of his ascension to heaven. It is the beginning of his journey towards God. What a wonderful feeling it is of going back to the arms of your Creator! It is a day of celebration, filled with prayers, good food and talking about the wonderful memories of the departed one.

Last January 18, 2013 was my Papa's 40th day Death Anniversary. I thank God that we were able to carry it out successfully and for not being too much affected by the grief that we're still experiencing. My brother Allan and his wife Elfie were not able to come because they were at her hometown during that time for a family reunion and also needed to be present for her mom's surgery. But knowing Papa, I know he understood.

Despite our limited budget, we made sure that everything was covered during my Papa's 40th day Death Anniversary. From the women who led the fervent prayers before 12:00 pm, the time of ascension of my Papa's soul, to the foods, drinks, chit-chats, flowers, balloons, tarpaulin etc. - everything to honor the life God has blessed him. Indeed even in death, his life will always be celebrated. I thank God for making Papa an instrument for us to live, grow and lead the generations ahead of us.

flowers, candles, food, crucifix for Papa's epitaph
(The wind was blowing very hard, we had to lay down the candles and cross.)

Having lunch right after holding the prayers.

It's ironic, my Papa never experienced having balloons or parties in his childhood.
Until now.

Sometimes it just doesn't sink in...

Letting go of the balloons signifies our surrendering of
Papa to the Lord.

One balloon, one prayer to God and a message for Papa uttered silently

Of course, with that fighting cock photo, Papa would have loved this!

♥♥♥

Are you holding your loved-one's 40th Day Death Anniversary soon?

What are your plans to commemorate him/her?
Be strong and know that your loved one's memories live in you!

Celebrating our First New Year Without Papa

Celebrating the New Year of 2013 was a bit challenging as it is the first celebration without Papa around. Top it off with his recent passing last December 10, it was painful indeed. Everything's still fresh. The pain from the wounds of losing one of the most important people in my life who shaped my well-being, were still in my heart. But we need to move on. We need to go forward. For the sake of our children and our children's children we need to get up and embrace life as it is. The combination of pains and happiness, sorrows and cheeriness. That's life.