Pops' 65th Birthday

Papa's birthday celebration last Sept. 7 was sooo much fun! His birthday fell on a Monday so we decided to hold it on a weekend. So thankful we made that decision. My mom made a delish baked mac and it was the highlight of the meals we prepared there. Rice, pork dishes, native delicacies, etc. made our tummies super happy. We spent Papa's special day in a way that he would have definitely enjoyed- yummy meals, bonding with the whole family, as well as with our relatives and friends. After holding a prayer, we stayed throughout the late afternoon on his grave site and left at past 7 pm. The cemetery was pitch-black! Eerie and fun. Perhaps fun because it was almost 20 of us. :)

If my Papa is still alive, he's already 65 by now. It's been almost a couple of years. I have made a lot of decisions inspired by his memories. I miss him badly and I still feel that tightness on my chest whenever I see his photos.

Happy Birthday Papa! I miss you so much. I'm asking God to bless you with peace and give us the courage to face life without you- till we meet again.

Forever Thankful...

So thankful to God that He has given me another year filled with so many blessings, a huge part of those blessings are intangible ones but so far the most important- love, affection, generosity, strength and courage, among others. I had a week-long birthday celebration till the 1st week of July (and still lacked the funds, mind you!). Went out of town with my hubby and son, had a mini-feast at home with the whole fam and took some treats to the office for my friends and colleagues. I love the feeling of being able to share my blessings (despite of its limited-ness) and I would love to practise generosity not only on special occasions like this but on a regular basis- I thank my dad for showing me how he lived by generosity and open-handedness when he was still alive...

Love you Pops and I continually do my best to improve and live by the positive things you've taught me...

My Second Birthday Without Papa: Realizations

This coming Monday is my 30th birthday- the 2nd birthday celebration without Papa. The thought of his passing still brings me to tears. I will never get over it. I miss him on the regular days and miss him terribly on the special events and great milestones in my life. While I was able to learn a lot from him when he was still alive, I've realized that I've gained several life lessons when he left us. Brevity of life, appreciation,  self-reflection by being in touch with myself and spending quality time with my loved ones are just some of the few realizations that I was able to ponder on when he died. I admit that I've been doing a lot of new things now, which I was always procrastinating on before. Bold choices and drastic decisions are also a part of it. I don't know if I'm running out of time, but sure his passing led me to this thinking that we have to maximize our time here on Earth. Grab the opportunity that God has given us. Live the life the way we want it to be. Build our dreams not only for ourselves but for our children and the succeeding generations. We may not be able to stay here on Earth for good- but as one saying goes, we should hope to create something that will last- forever.

"Dear Lord, thank you for the blessing of another year. Please grant me as well as my loved ones many more birthdays to come. And help us live by the wisdom our Papa has shared with us. Papa, thank your for being an instrument for me to have the gift of life. We love and miss you!"

Second Valentine's Day Without Papa

The Valentines Day year fell on a Friday so our family decided to have a double celebration done as an afternoon bonding on Papa's resting place. I wasn't able to come as I was sick (curse that wisdom tooth, ugh!) and my son was just recently discharged from the hospital. Hubby took care of us of course and so the three of us decided to stay home.

Our close relatives also joined the rest of the family on that visit. If Papa's looking down from heaven, a smile will surely be painted on his face as we celebrate Ate Lita's birthday and Valentines day on where his earthy body lies. 

Happy Valentines Day Pops! 

Thank you for all the love and care you showered upon me for 28 years! Our love for you will never end when you have gone back home to the Lord. 

My Brother Allan's First Birthday Without Papa

Last August 10 was my Kuya Allan's 35th Birthday. And it was his first birthday without Papa. We celebrated his birthday dinner at Trinity Restaurant in Seaside Macapagal Avenue. We have met them there after they bought the seafood and meat to be cooked or otherwise called "Paluto" at Trinity Restaurant. Hubby and I dropped by at Bannaple first to buy a Banoffee Cake as our birthday gift for him.  We then asked the Banapple staff to put "Happy Birthday Tito Ato" on the cake. My son calls my brother "Tito Ato" as here in the Philippines, we often call our uncles "Tito"; my brother being a lawyer, the "Ato" is a shortened name for "Attorney. The place is really cozy and comfortable too. I'm used to eating grilled foods in an open restaurant (We call those places here in Manila as "Dampa" or "Ihaw-Ihaw") but Trinity has an atmosphere of an elegant but cozy air-conditioned restaurant. There was a strip of restaurants too where people could eat outside if they want to listen to a band or to dine inside. If I'm not mistaken, Trinity also offers live bands as I saw a mic stand, musical instruments and other band thingies on a nook inside. The food, service and place are great! 

The food was astonishingly delicious! It's as if we had our personal waiter too. Shrimps, Grilled Squid, Adobo, Sisig, Sinigang sa Miso, Ensaladang Mangga and Crispy Pata were served, among others. Mouthwatering yet sinfully delicious! We reminded our Mom to just get a little portion of every bit of it as she has a maintenance for having a high blood pressure. She already took Blopress (I believe) prior to eating just to be sure. Those foods were my Papa's favorite, I should know! Aah, it kills me inside thinking that last year he was still with us and now all we do is wishful thinking... 

The next day, we all decided to visit Papa at his grave-site. It was a rainy afternoon, but we have decided to go there by hook or by crook. My brother asked Ate Lita to cook Pancit Canton, Mixed Pork and Chicken Adobo and Ensaladang Mangga. Hubby and I dropped by at JCo Donuts and bought 2 dozens of assorted ones. My Mom is a certified nut-lover and I didn't get surprised when the Alcapone became her favorite. I still love the Avocado Dicaprio. Glad that our contact at the cemetery was able to prepare the tent and 10 chairs so we could stay there comfortably, bond with the rest of the family and with my Pops too, in spirit, :) !



It's true we all have to deal with the loss and move on with our lives, coz if Papa was still here, I think he wanted us to do so. As long as we remain strong for each other and we include him in our prayers and in all the important events in our lives, Pops will remain alive. 


will post photos soon

My First Birthday Without Papa

My 29th birthday will  be tomorrow. I should be happy as I'll be having a triple celebration- one with my hubby and son,  the 2nd one would be with my mom and siblings and the 3rd one's on Thursday after my Vacation Leave with my teammates. I am happy- well I should be. I am grateful to God for all the blessings and years He continues to give me, but honestly speaking I feel a bit sad. It's because it'll be my first birthday without my Papa. I couldn't believe the fact that I'll be celebrating it without him around. It sometimes doesn't sink in, but now it does- and it freakin' hurts.

Tomorrow we're planning to go and visit his resting place in the afternoon before my birthday dinner. Looking back, I remember my birthday parties when I was a kid with him, and he was always present too in my son's birthday parties. I miss him so much. Most of the time, I think that he will always be remembered and he will forever stay in my heart but that thought doesn't console me now that my birthday is approaching and all I have are just his memories. I know if he's here, he would greet me "Happy birthday Joy and will give me a kiss and hug... Oh boy, I super miss him. :(



"Pops, tomorrow is my 29th birthday. Thanks for being with me for more than 28 years. The things you've taught me will remain in me and the lessons in life you've shared with me will continually inspire me, my son and the next generations. I thank you for everything. Please pray for me and our family that God will always guide us, protect us, grant us good health and continually bless us. I love you Papa."

The Day Papa Said Goodbye

A month ago was the most painful day of our lives. On December 10, 2012 at exactly 4:58 am, the doctors in East Avenue Medical Center declared my Papa dead due to a sudden cardiac death. Minutes before that, my Papa's caregiver, Kuya Bobi told us that my Papa even asked him to help him stretch his legs because he was about to sleep. A moment later, he had a cardiac arrest while asleep. These are what transpired days before his death...

The two girls in Papa's life

  Saturday, December 8. Hubby and I went to visit my Papa. We decided to leave my son and Ate Lita at the car as kids aren't allowed to enter the hospital premises. Papa, mama, hubby and I spent some time talking with each other and sharing stories. 

Good thing we had a picture with our dad on that night. My dad said that he feels so sad for my mom being that she was so stressed, well partly financially, but what pains her is the fact that my Papa has lots of complications. I told my Papa these words: "It is our job as a family to help each other to meet your needs Papa and to prolong your life and it is your job to get well! Just think that mama is sending one of us to college again." Then we laughed and my Papa smiled. When we left, I placed my hand on his forehead, offered a silent prayer and kissed him on the cheek. 

Having fun at Solenn's birthday party

Sunday, December 9. All of us attended my niece's birthday party. It's Solenn's 1st birthday. We celebrated it at McDonald's Katipunan. Sadly, Papa wasn't able to attend her 1st birthday. 

At around 2 pm, all of us went to the hospital to visit Papa. Ate Lita, Love (my sis-in-law), Solenn and my son Muting were left at the car. My papa beamed when he saw us, all of us, complete inside his room- my mama, hubby, brothers Eric and Allan, and his wife Ate Elfe. It's the first visit that our family was complete due to our different work schedules. For instance, there were times that my brother Allan and I would go visit Papa while my brother Eric was at work. We watched the Manny Pacquiao fight and finished it! 
It was also the time when we gave some pep talk to my papa for his 7 am scheduled amputation the next day. I remembered him saying "Will I be able to do it?". We just gave him motivational talks so he won't get worried. But we all know that he doesn't want his left foot to be amputated ever since. And given the fact that he had no choice but to undergo the said surgery, to lengthen his life per se, then he eventually agreed. I remembered touching my Papa's forehead and telling him to get well. I remembered telling him that we'll go to Tagaytay as a family come my son's birthday in January 7 and told him that he'll be on a wheelchair when we go there because he might be recovering from the amputation by then... I've asked him what he wanted me to bring him and he just replied that he wants sotanghon (noodles) with eggs, lots of eggs. I smiled and told him that I'll ask Ate Lita to bring one for him. He has also asked me to roll the blanket beneath his neck so he could lie down comfortably. I told him that I will buy a neck pillow for him. When we were about to leave, I told my mom to pray over him. We all placed our hands on his body and my mom led a prayer- a prayer for him to have a successful amputation. Then we bid goodbye to him. I  placed my hand on his forehead again, offered a short prayer and kissed him on his right cheek. That was the last kiss I've given him when he was still alive....

A teary-eyed Papa half smiling

 

Our Papa is a warrior.

                         

Sunday night, my mom attended the mass and prayed fervently for Papa that he could make it. My mom decided to go home because she was already a tired from the morning birthday party, to the hospital visit and to the mass she attended. She also planned to go to bed early as they need to be at the hospital around 5 am the next day prior to my Papa's 7 am amputation. Ate Lita went to the hospital to bring some food  and new diapers to Papa. Papa told ate to take some meds because Ate Lita had been coughing a lot. Ate Lita saw Papa with his eyes closed saying "Lord, take care of me, I surrender myself to you." Given the fact that Papa regularly prays, Ate Lita didn't give any meaning on that common act.

Monday morning, I was still up working at home. The rest were all asleep. At around 3:30 am I went downstairs to go to the toilet. I saw my Papa's bed and prayed that God will give him a successful surgery, good health and longer life. I went upstairs and went back to work. I know my mama and Ate Lita will be waking up at 5 am. The weirdest thing has happened: A female voice has somewhat whispered to my ears saying "You're Papa's gone". I immediately knocked on the wooden table beside where I was working and offered a prayer for my Papa. Then at around 4:00 to 4:30 am we received a text message from my Papa's caregiver that he had a cardiac arrest. We all jumped and prepared to go to the hospital right there and then, thinking that my Papa might still be alive when we get there and probably has tubes on his body-but still alive. We were all wrong. Minutes later, his caregiver text messaged us, telling us the sad news- that my Papa passed away..

We went to the hospital immediately. I was crying every now and then. My mom couldn't cry as she was in a state of shock. We were headed to my Papa's room, thinking that he was still there. We saw Kuya Bobi at the elevator, telling us that he's going to the mortuary downstairs. That's the time everything sank in. We went to the basement. We walked and walked along the alley. It was the most terrible walk I had in my entire life. At the end of the alley is the mortuary. I peeked at the door, 2 bodies covered in a white blanket are there. I'm not sure which one is my Papa. Kuya Bobi told me that Papa's on the right side. I saw his left foot protruding. It is really Papa! I was screaming and shouting "Papa, papa, papa!!!". My mom asked the staff to take out my Papa's body for a while. They did. They opened the blanket and I saw my Papa lifeless. I remember his face being free from pain at all. No trace of suffering. But then the most painful moment of our lives sank. The two girls in my Papa's life are there- me holding his hands and hugging his chest and tummy; my Mama kissing his face and wiping some of the fluids on his lips. I was shouting "Papa, papa!!" and my mama was shouting "Ling, ling!".  We hugged him, kissed him and told him how much we love him. Then after about  10 minutes the staff told us that they need to take my Papa's body back to the mortuary. And there I kissed his left cheek with the deepest and sweetest kiss and told him "Papa, I love you. Thanks for everything!"

That's the end of my Papa's journey- on Earth. And it is the beginning of his journey back to God. God has been good to us. We are thankful for giving us a chance to be with Papa and to be able to show him how important he is to us. We appreciate the fact that God has listened to our prayers in prolonging his life. He was sick since 1992, scheduled for an amputation way back in 1998, had a stroke in the province last September 2012. Was able to come home to Manila and spent his remaining days in three different hospitals. We thank God that we're able to do what our best for him. It's just that these tears and painful emotions are felt because of the fact that Papa isn't with us physically. We accept your decision Lord of taking him from us because he's been suffering for too long. We just need you God to help us cope with the loss of our Papa...

Papa's Last afternoon on Earth with us

Our family way back in 1997

"Papa I cannot express how hard it is to think that you're not around anymore. We miss you Papa. Our love for you will never fade and your memories will be strong as ever. I thank God for making you a part of our lives. We will never forget you. Thank you for being our Dad. "